So again today I sit here and contemplate if the decisions I have made the past couple of months were the right ones. In my head I think I did cause I have debts right now that need to payed off but I sit and wonder if my grams was truly right and I just don't want to see it. I don't think that my hutch situation has anything to do with it but I ask myself... "Am I ever goin to be happy? and Will I actually graduate from college and decide on a career?" but unfortunately all that has to be pushed aside for me to actually make money to live on... cause I don't want to live with my parents for the rest of my life but right now its all that I can afford which sucks.


The only thing that is keepin me goin right now is music and the friends that I can talk to every once in awhile when they get my messages or when they are able to call me. I feel so lazy and worthless, I'm sittin here waitin for calls from places I have applied to but nothin is comin right now.. I have bills comin up next month and I don't know what I'm goin to do cause I don't have anything to pay them with. Plus my tags and taxes are comin up next month for my car and again I have nothin.. I just want something to come up so I can get out of this rutt that I have put myself in...

People say this is the time where you can be what you want to be and to live life.. but for some people they can do that but for others the real world is to much of a realization and priorities come first before your happines... I want a life to live but when does that come at a price everything is now a price and I hate it....